Mr Lee Kuan Yew

23 March 2015 

23+3+15: 41 

Sg bday: 50 

Total: 91 (age of passing)

Maybe it's just pure coincidence, but what Mr lee has done for singapore was by no means a coincidence. As a Generation Y member, I was borned into a singapore that had the makings of a first world country. 22 years of my life I took it all for granted at times. Simply because I never had to go through the hardship of war, nor merger and separation of my country, nor anything else that mr lee faced. I was an ingrate like most other Singaporeans. He left an indelible mark in my life as I read up on his policies and life. His frugal nature coupled with tenacious spirit propelled singapore to where she is today. To the uninformed, we often accuse the Lee dynasty of hoarding positions and wealth. We ask ourselves how could it be, amidst all the talk about a meritocratic state. It was only in the last couple of days that Singaporeans realised what Mr Lee had actually done. He accepted no high salary, for he sees no value in the things temporal. He justified the high salaries of ministers, that ever a time come where they were found guilty of corruption, he would come down hard on them. But for himself, he only concerned himself with the well-being of singapore. Furnitures as old as six decades, with his same navy blue jacket patched up in various places over the years, I learnt frugality in life. 

I never expect myself to cry so badly over the death of someone I am hardly related to, let alone meeting him in person. But I found myself breaking down as I walked past his lifeless body in the state of rest inside of the Parliament House. Just feets away was the Man whom I could never thank enough for. I pinned his loss so greatly that I could not bear to bring myself to watch his youngest son Lee Hsein Yang addressed him as Papa on national TV. Today the heavens opened and the skies cried an ocean for him. I took a bow in the seclusion of my room as the siren rung out, marking a minute of silence, and gave thanks to you who gave it all for our future. For my offsprings that would never get a chance to meet you, I salute you in their stead sir. May you find rest in God, and though I am unsure if you believed in Jesus, I pray God gave you one more chance that you may reunite with the love of your life. Singapore owed your family too much. Rest in Peace Mr Lee Kuan Yew. You deserved all the highest accolades and honor. If not you, who else. It is time to dry my tears and cease my mourning for your passing. 

Majulah Singapura 

Spiritual journal entry 9

So it's been awhile since I posted an entry. 

It's been tough to juggle so many things in my life and today God just spoke and said that " put me in the center of it all". Surprisingly it coincides with the sermon of who is in charge of my life. 

Though I have not read any bible verses for today, God spoke in a very different manner. He led me to buy takeaway lunch at Waterloo and a pineapple slice. Soo when I was having my lunch, there sitting opposite of me was an old uncle cleaner that just looked exhausted. Throughout my meal, I just had this prompting to offer my pineapple to him. But alas I was too scared and didn't. But God did not stop there and instead led my eyes to the vending machine to buy a coffee for him. And that's what I did (: the look of happiness on his face was just so worth it to listen to God. 

Spiritual journal entry 8

Colossians 3:14-15 NLT

[14] Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. [15] And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Above all, clothe yourself in love. Today's word is so much harder to keep and apply. How is it possible to love everyone? Like really not to show any form of discrimination or disdaint. It used to be such a conflicting thought within me. Does it mean that I should be nice to everyone or... 

However Holy Spirit had revealed in my heart that this wasn't what Apostle Paul was referring to, clothing myself in love simply meant to see people through God's untainted lens. To see that everyone is a precious child of God, to see the potential that is within them to do awesome works for Christ. 

And when it comes to peace, how I long and desire for the inner peace that transcend all understanding. God help me and show me that You are indeed with me. 

Spiritual Journal Entry 7

Today is a new day that the Lord has made, and i will rejoice in it.

Nowhere in the verse did it ever mention that the day will bound to be all sunshine and rainbows. So if the day started bad and progressively get worse, is it really ours to blame God for it? NO.

But God has promised that through it all, He will be with us. His presence will go before us and will walk beside us. I gathered that life is really a journey. Yes you may think how come it took me such a long time to arrive at this conclusion. But hey at least i did! Back to the journey. It is a series of winding turns and uphills and downhills. Sometimes the road heads upwards and next comes a seemingly endless long stretch of downhill road.

I am currently stuck somewhere in that downhill road. It never gets easier with each step i take. God said His words are a lamp unto my feet. Illuminating only a few steps ahead of me, but never the full stretch.

Thus, i arrived at my answer. Obedience

In the past, when i was a "infant" christian, obedience came second nature. It was so easy to obey God and trust in Him, when majority of my life is still cushioned in one way or another. However as i grew older and progressed, these cushions were increasingly stripped away.

There lies the gravel.

My feet bruised and bled. Even as i just dropped my module and appear crazy to majority of the people around me, i felt it was the right thing to do. Although i didn't really consult God and am now regretting not discussing it with Him first. Thus the bleeding.

But despite all these, God promise that He will be with me, and isn't that enough guarantee for my life? If the God of the universe and all creation is for me, who indeed can stand against me? I may never know His plans nor foresee any of it. My ways and my thoughts are most definitely not higher than His. But that's where the beauty lies. Obedience. The faith to obey when the odds are stacked against me. The faith to obey in His words, knowing He has a plan and His timing is perfect. Too long have i held dear the idea that my timing is perfect and if things don't go according to plan its anarchy, but in all of my mess now, God is working.

One day, i will see the fruits of His works.

Spiritual Journal Entry 6

2 Feb 2015. This day has started out pretty tiring for me. No particular reason, but i just felt empty in my spirit. I was immediately caught up in the squabbling of my birthday group mates that are both older than me, leaving me in a very tight situation as i needed to navigate this discussion the right direction to not let either of them feel hurt or unappreciated. As the words flew back and forth, the more helpless i felt and i really ask God for direction and his wisdom. Although it has finally been settled, i came out of that group conversation feeling more exhausted than ever. However, there was simply no time to stop and ponder. 

Finally now with this short duration of time in the library, i really felt in my spirit to pause and am so amazed how much i yearn to speak to God and just read his word. Even in solitary eating, i found myself conversing with God so much more, so eager to pour forth all my troubles unto Him, because i somehow already know in my spirit that God wants to and desires to share my day with me. As i spend my quiet time in the library and read 1 Corinthians 2, verse 9. It spoke of what no eye nor ear has seen or heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things that God has prepared for those who love him. verse 10 continued with saying that the Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.

I felt so relieved, as if a huge unease leaving me. Indeed i was partially affected by my grades today. Receiving a B was really just so hard to accept again God. I honestly did try and put in my best, but it seems that my best is always not close to what the world wants of me. God i did indeed feel very frustrated and angry. I asked myself time after time, why did You have to put me through this test?? Its not even fun anymore when i see my peers climbing the social ladder in school, assuming roles of importance. I know that chasing after these things are not my priorities, but even so, with the minimum that i am coping with, i seem to again fall short. God i really want to hear from You, i crave your peace that surpasses all understanding, especially in this tough time that i am again subjected to. 

Spiritual Journal Entry 5

John 4: 1-26

This is the story of Jesus and the samaritan woman by the well of Jacob. At first glance as i was reading through this story, i was just so focused on the fact that the woman like every other normal functioning person immediately asked Jesus to give her the "water" that she might never be thirsty again. I recognised that isn't this how it is with me as well? All too often all i ask from my Heavenly Father is that He just shows up in my times of need and in this case, provide me with the living water.
But praise God, for He revealed in my spirit that it isn't simply the case. What Jesus promised to the Samaritan woman was far more precious and important than water, our most basic and primal needs. He promised us salvation, in the hope of Jesus. The living water Jesus spoke of is freely given, demanding nothing back. What a beautiful sacrifice indeed. As i pondered and am typing this, i really yearn to grow so intimate with God. I know that this shouldn't just be for a particular season of my life, but right now, i really could understand the importance and significance of holding on to Jesus. I really do pray that by His grace and mercy, i would be able to do well for my modules and simply just give me abounding strength to carry on even with tomorrow's work.

Spiritual journal entry 4

1 Peter 5:5-7 NIV

In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”    Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Lord I pray that you never turn your sight away from me, teach me humility and contentment. I want to cast all my anxiety unto You and not try to use my own humanly strength to overcome things.

This verse of the day really is so powerful. How God opposes the proud and shows favor to the humble, indeed if all things are by our strength, we glorify ourselves. But since in my weakness and inadequacy God shows up. All glory and honour be unto Him and Him alone indeed (:

Can't wait to grow intimate with God and his people

Spiritual journal entry 3

Galatians 6:8

Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.

This verse really spoke to me today, as I meditated on it even more, It was clear to me that even the smallest of sin separates us from a holy God. The slightest misalignment disconnects us from God, for evil can't stand in His awesome splendor and glory.

An epiphany of death came unto me, as God spoke and said "what use is it that you gain all the wealth in the kingdom(earth) but loses your soul, isn't it far better to gain eternity and love others with everything you have than to hoard and amass riches that fade" 
At that moment I was speechless. How powerful it is indeed when God speaks, He clears the cloud of doubt and fear and anxiety over my life and spoke with such piercing clarity. Indeed His word is like a double edged sword, cleaving the word from the Spirit and that from the world, making known to me His inner most thoughts! Praise God indeed (:

Spiritual journal entry 2

Praise the Lord!

Psalms 150:6 NLT

Let everything that breathes sing praises to the lord ! Praise the lord !

Indeed today was a very tiring and challenging day. Right from the get go, I realised I left a very precious bottle in school and thank God I found it! The wave of relief really washed over me.

It was also the start of a new chapter, where I started to do evangelism, something that has gripped me with fear. But praise God for He has given me more than enough to share the word to the people. Really thankful that none rejected me and were all open to the sharing!! Such an inexplicable joy indeed (:

Lastly I got to talk to peipei about all that is surrounding us. It's really tough to come face to face the fact that I'm going through something that no one can help me with. 10k is just wow. Beyond anything I ever imagined. Even after she tried to lessen it by saying that the CPF would take away 2k. But still it's 8k difference. It's such a wide gap in our monetary intake and spending power. It's so tough to swallow and be joyous. I mean let's face it. No one ever likes to see another earning so much more right. And it's not like I'm even benefitting from it. But oh well! Nothing more to say about this but to accept the fact and try to not dwell on it further. Lord this is bad. I'm starting to view us both in terms of our net worth and this is so like accounting. Where her debit keeps rising and my credit keeps rising in a bad way. Urghh. This sucks. Let this month pass quickly so I can live my life without such a huge wealth gap shouting at my face!

Spiritual journal entry 1

Lord today at lifegroup we shared on how distance and the lack of intimacy we have with You. I'm sorry that I have pushed You aside for so long. I struggled with being transparent and mutual submission to You. There were areas in my heart and mind that You know are what I am thinking of but the words that pour forth from my mouth are those of another.

Lord today I had a quarrel of sort.
Proverbs 17:14, 19 NLT

Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin; anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster.

It really felt like a floodgate, all the unspoken words and sense of inferiority and all that ugly stuff came pouring out, doing nothing but hurting her. I built up these high walls unknowingly, deceiving myself that I am alright, I'll be able to handle it. I can manage somehow. But it appears to be false.

Proverbs 17:22 NLT

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

Your word is true indeed. As I meditated on this verse, indeed my spirit is broken, by worldly things such as comparison of wealth and money and money. It saps all of my strength, I am weak, I am utterly spent. I have no more words left to say. I could have just swallowed it up and feel even more emasculated. But i have none left in the tank. A simple bonus, by Your grace was at the expense of my emotional and mental strength. I ended up finding fault in the huge amount of money and am so bitter. Why Is it that I get nothing, just waiting each month on a meagre petty 1200 that drains out as quickly as It comes in. No providence God!!! My bank account is being emptied seriously. Can You give me a sign?

Lord, honestly I am dead clueless. How else am I going to match up. I see no solutions at all. I am so broke, so poor, so empty. I cry out to You God. Lift me up and show me a way. Provide a way out for me. Faith says I should trust in your timing and your providence. I really am trying God..

Lord this is as transparent as I can ever get. I am throughly spent. Hope to hear from You God.

Love
Your son

First post of 2015

The first post of 2015, belongs to God Almighty

Somehow, God was tugging at my heart during sermon. He said "isn't that you my son, why do you rever me Just as God, but not as Abba Father? Am I not calling out to my son"

At that moment, I felt deep remorse and guilt, I have treat God as God for far too long, forgetting that He is my heavenly father, that He yearns to draw near.

That altar call was different, for once in a very long time, I genuinely called out to God, telling Him I want more of Him in my life, 2014 was a powerless year, filled with struggles I fought in futile alone. Let 2015 be a year of partnership, one with God.

It doesn't really matter to me that much now whether I get into the dean list in the future, or called successful by many. All these I am coming to learn to count as worthless.

Psalms 7
God is indeed my refuge, my shield, my safe haven. He is righteous and let Him find no guilt on my hands indeed as the psalmist proclaimed.