Spiritual Journal Entry 6

2 Feb 2015. This day has started out pretty tiring for me. No particular reason, but i just felt empty in my spirit. I was immediately caught up in the squabbling of my birthday group mates that are both older than me, leaving me in a very tight situation as i needed to navigate this discussion the right direction to not let either of them feel hurt or unappreciated. As the words flew back and forth, the more helpless i felt and i really ask God for direction and his wisdom. Although it has finally been settled, i came out of that group conversation feeling more exhausted than ever. However, there was simply no time to stop and ponder. 

Finally now with this short duration of time in the library, i really felt in my spirit to pause and am so amazed how much i yearn to speak to God and just read his word. Even in solitary eating, i found myself conversing with God so much more, so eager to pour forth all my troubles unto Him, because i somehow already know in my spirit that God wants to and desires to share my day with me. As i spend my quiet time in the library and read 1 Corinthians 2, verse 9. It spoke of what no eye nor ear has seen or heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things that God has prepared for those who love him. verse 10 continued with saying that the Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.

I felt so relieved, as if a huge unease leaving me. Indeed i was partially affected by my grades today. Receiving a B was really just so hard to accept again God. I honestly did try and put in my best, but it seems that my best is always not close to what the world wants of me. God i did indeed feel very frustrated and angry. I asked myself time after time, why did You have to put me through this test?? Its not even fun anymore when i see my peers climbing the social ladder in school, assuming roles of importance. I know that chasing after these things are not my priorities, but even so, with the minimum that i am coping with, i seem to again fall short. God i really want to hear from You, i crave your peace that surpasses all understanding, especially in this tough time that i am again subjected to.