Spiritual Journal Entry 5

John 4: 1-26

This is the story of Jesus and the samaritan woman by the well of Jacob. At first glance as i was reading through this story, i was just so focused on the fact that the woman like every other normal functioning person immediately asked Jesus to give her the "water" that she might never be thirsty again. I recognised that isn't this how it is with me as well? All too often all i ask from my Heavenly Father is that He just shows up in my times of need and in this case, provide me with the living water.
But praise God, for He revealed in my spirit that it isn't simply the case. What Jesus promised to the Samaritan woman was far more precious and important than water, our most basic and primal needs. He promised us salvation, in the hope of Jesus. The living water Jesus spoke of is freely given, demanding nothing back. What a beautiful sacrifice indeed. As i pondered and am typing this, i really yearn to grow so intimate with God. I know that this shouldn't just be for a particular season of my life, but right now, i really could understand the importance and significance of holding on to Jesus. I really do pray that by His grace and mercy, i would be able to do well for my modules and simply just give me abounding strength to carry on even with tomorrow's work.

Spiritual journal entry 4

1 Peter 5:5-7 NIV

In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”    Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Lord I pray that you never turn your sight away from me, teach me humility and contentment. I want to cast all my anxiety unto You and not try to use my own humanly strength to overcome things.

This verse of the day really is so powerful. How God opposes the proud and shows favor to the humble, indeed if all things are by our strength, we glorify ourselves. But since in my weakness and inadequacy God shows up. All glory and honour be unto Him and Him alone indeed (:

Can't wait to grow intimate with God and his people

Spiritual journal entry 3

Galatians 6:8

Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.

This verse really spoke to me today, as I meditated on it even more, It was clear to me that even the smallest of sin separates us from a holy God. The slightest misalignment disconnects us from God, for evil can't stand in His awesome splendor and glory.

An epiphany of death came unto me, as God spoke and said "what use is it that you gain all the wealth in the kingdom(earth) but loses your soul, isn't it far better to gain eternity and love others with everything you have than to hoard and amass riches that fade" 
At that moment I was speechless. How powerful it is indeed when God speaks, He clears the cloud of doubt and fear and anxiety over my life and spoke with such piercing clarity. Indeed His word is like a double edged sword, cleaving the word from the Spirit and that from the world, making known to me His inner most thoughts! Praise God indeed (:

Spiritual journal entry 2

Praise the Lord!

Psalms 150:6 NLT

Let everything that breathes sing praises to the lord ! Praise the lord !

Indeed today was a very tiring and challenging day. Right from the get go, I realised I left a very precious bottle in school and thank God I found it! The wave of relief really washed over me.

It was also the start of a new chapter, where I started to do evangelism, something that has gripped me with fear. But praise God for He has given me more than enough to share the word to the people. Really thankful that none rejected me and were all open to the sharing!! Such an inexplicable joy indeed (:

Lastly I got to talk to peipei about all that is surrounding us. It's really tough to come face to face the fact that I'm going through something that no one can help me with. 10k is just wow. Beyond anything I ever imagined. Even after she tried to lessen it by saying that the CPF would take away 2k. But still it's 8k difference. It's such a wide gap in our monetary intake and spending power. It's so tough to swallow and be joyous. I mean let's face it. No one ever likes to see another earning so much more right. And it's not like I'm even benefitting from it. But oh well! Nothing more to say about this but to accept the fact and try to not dwell on it further. Lord this is bad. I'm starting to view us both in terms of our net worth and this is so like accounting. Where her debit keeps rising and my credit keeps rising in a bad way. Urghh. This sucks. Let this month pass quickly so I can live my life without such a huge wealth gap shouting at my face!

Spiritual journal entry 1

Lord today at lifegroup we shared on how distance and the lack of intimacy we have with You. I'm sorry that I have pushed You aside for so long. I struggled with being transparent and mutual submission to You. There were areas in my heart and mind that You know are what I am thinking of but the words that pour forth from my mouth are those of another.

Lord today I had a quarrel of sort.
Proverbs 17:14, 19 NLT

Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin; anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster.

It really felt like a floodgate, all the unspoken words and sense of inferiority and all that ugly stuff came pouring out, doing nothing but hurting her. I built up these high walls unknowingly, deceiving myself that I am alright, I'll be able to handle it. I can manage somehow. But it appears to be false.

Proverbs 17:22 NLT

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

Your word is true indeed. As I meditated on this verse, indeed my spirit is broken, by worldly things such as comparison of wealth and money and money. It saps all of my strength, I am weak, I am utterly spent. I have no more words left to say. I could have just swallowed it up and feel even more emasculated. But i have none left in the tank. A simple bonus, by Your grace was at the expense of my emotional and mental strength. I ended up finding fault in the huge amount of money and am so bitter. Why Is it that I get nothing, just waiting each month on a meagre petty 1200 that drains out as quickly as It comes in. No providence God!!! My bank account is being emptied seriously. Can You give me a sign?

Lord, honestly I am dead clueless. How else am I going to match up. I see no solutions at all. I am so broke, so poor, so empty. I cry out to You God. Lift me up and show me a way. Provide a way out for me. Faith says I should trust in your timing and your providence. I really am trying God..

Lord this is as transparent as I can ever get. I am throughly spent. Hope to hear from You God.

Love
Your son

First post of 2015

The first post of 2015, belongs to God Almighty

Somehow, God was tugging at my heart during sermon. He said "isn't that you my son, why do you rever me Just as God, but not as Abba Father? Am I not calling out to my son"

At that moment, I felt deep remorse and guilt, I have treat God as God for far too long, forgetting that He is my heavenly father, that He yearns to draw near.

That altar call was different, for once in a very long time, I genuinely called out to God, telling Him I want more of Him in my life, 2014 was a powerless year, filled with struggles I fought in futile alone. Let 2015 be a year of partnership, one with God.

It doesn't really matter to me that much now whether I get into the dean list in the future, or called successful by many. All these I am coming to learn to count as worthless.

Psalms 7
God is indeed my refuge, my shield, my safe haven. He is righteous and let Him find no guilt on my hands indeed as the psalmist proclaimed.