30th March 2014

Entering day 14. Not much to say, I just wish school starts sooner, to distract me from counting the days. I wish school ends quicker, that I may provide for us. I wish I can safely say God's timing is best.

25th March 2014

Overwhelmed. So much to do, so much expectations. How I long to take a flight to Canada and hike alone for a few days. No communications, just me time to find God in the wild. How I wish I could do that right now. But I choose to stay and push on. Find any excuse to win, it pays to be a winner. So let's go.

23rd March 2014

Yay! So excited for church tomorrow. Even though it's a new community, but God remains the same! A time for worship and praise with other brothers and sisters in Christ. Looking forward with an expectant heart!

My princess, i miss you, and I'm so thankful that you shared your "worry" about Shannon with me. Though you say time after time that I don't need to reassure you, But! A little effort goes a long way. (: i love you. So rest easy my love. Can't really take a selfie with you. But let's make so with photo collage. Haha here's number 1/52.(:

(:

You. You brightened my day. Even when I'm dead beat, your laughter your smile is enough to make me lively again. I count my blessings to be able to not cross the line, yet still take care and look out for you. It's not easy when I want to hug you so badly. It pains me to see you rest your head on the chair rather than my shoulders. How you had to force yourself to move your head to shy away from my hand placed on your chair. Yes I do notice the little things. Today when I learnt that Kristine asked whether we are together. I'm lost for words on how to say it. So I ended up telling her don't so kay poh. How I wished I could tell her confidently " yes Peilin is my girl". It's not easy, but I cherish every amount of time I get to see you, even just for 5 minutes. I secretly thank God for this event, that gives me just that few extra days to hear your voice. Just 363 more days. Wait for me.

Special day.

Died. Came to life again. Turned 0 and 21 in a span of 6 hours. GOD IS SO AMAZING! As deep calls to deep, may I always yearn to seek your voice and your presence. That's a wrap! Too little zzz-time. Shall leave it till later!

You can never have your cake and eat it too

Today was by far the best date ever with you. Maybe it's because counting down to the hours we have left together makes each step I take with you all the more precious. A surprise foot massage, our "must order" soft shell crab for lunch, to walking the supermarket one last time before catching an uplifting movie. - end of first half of the day. If I died, that would be all I could ever ask for. You went all the way, gathering my friends from different communities to celebrate with me. I am so thankful to God for someone like you. My guardian angel. You made me see what true love is like, what sacrifice is through the cake you baked. You showed me what it means to go the extra mile, to walk in tandem with me. To put me first, to hold me like it will always last. I am overwhelmed by your love, and I truly wish that we didn't need to part, how can I after what you done for me today. To slip back into apparent "singlehood" . To tell others I'm in a relationship, but I'm not allowed to be by her side. How do I tell others, without telling them outright that "hey! This is peilin, my girlfriend". It's akin to the feeling of wanting to scream but no sound seems to come out. All I can do now Is to wait. To smile weakly at people and say I'm okay, when it's killing me inside.. I really hate to do this.. Every single time something good happens in my life, I get frightened, because I know something will surely be snatched away from me. This time round, it happens to be you. You were that "good" which happened to me, but now being torn apart from me. Sometimes all I ask from God is a break. Can I for once in my life have my cake and eat it as well. But I guess fate wouldn't have it that way. It's 2.30am now. Maybe I'm just tired.

Peilin

I choose you. Now and for everyday of my life. Period. <3

2 Peas in a Pod

11 March 2014

Some people might think it's crazy or "you are only in the honeymoon" phase, if I told them I went to fetch you from work and left home at 8.30pm. It's just not logical! But who says love is logical? It's true about what the maxim says (love makes one go blind). You didn't, you just made me see that much clearer who I choose to spend the rest of my life with. The bus ride home was a little different today, it felt so pure and simple. The simple things in this relationship such as walking you home (my all time favourite) and growing fat with you eating prata at ungodly hours make me think that God definitely didn't plan for humans to live individual and isolated lives. I thank God each day for you, for being around, doing the little things such as texting me good morning each day without fail. I honestly don't feel like I deserve such abundance of love, but I want to be selfish for once, and just be caught up in it. I thank God for loving you so immensely, that you love Him back with all your heart, that each of us be a reflector of His amazing love and slowly reflect it back on one another. Onlookers on the outside might see us as incompatible. But hey! They simply need to look a little closer to see that, we are 2 Peas in a Pod. (:

The Hold

9 March 2014

 7 years since i last blogged, because i never seemed to need it after awhile. The reason why i started this blog is because of you. Last night when i possibly walked you home from West Mall, many thoughts were flooding my mind. The idea of holding our relationship for a year was scary indeed for me in so many ways. For the first time, i found someone whom i love and who loved me in a way that i can only be thankful to God for. You don't need to be perfect for me, to have to love what i love, to meet me intellectually nor in the topics i liked to talk about. People may feel that we are not compatible due to the many differences in our upbringing and family culture. The crazy thing was that i never imagined myself to fall so crazily in love with someone like you! I never believed in the saying that when you meet your soulmate, you have found your other half. I rather think that we were 2 individuals who found one another and chose to stick by each other's side! I was torn between the decision to agree to the holding period or to just disregard it totally. However, just like you, i wanted everyone's full blessings when we openly get together, and not wanting you to ever feel that people are frowning upon our relationship. This 1 year is going to be such a tough ordeal, but somehow with the end in mind, i think its so important. I look forward to the day that we can be united as one again, to be able to hold you in my arms, to cry in front of you, to pour out everything that happened in my day with you, to share my life with you. It is so scary to have to enter SMU without you physically by my side to tell me i can do it! so scary to hear from you one day that God says no ( i pray that day never comes!!). There will definitely be things i would miss doing, such as walking you home, waiting for you to end work to take 174 home, to have you lie on my shoulder and fall asleep, to grocery shopping with you, to going to the playground and chat with you, to playing with girl girl and boy boy with you. But i know that this walk with God needs to be done alone. Just like in the story i told you once about a christian book " wild at heart". I need to slay my "dragons" alone, to face life's challenges with God alone, before i get to my princess. I vow to take this 1 year to grow and mature even more, to be moulded by God to be the right person for you. Im looking forward to 365 days from now. (: with you.