Why my soul are you so downcast? Do you not trust the Lord is Your Provider? Taste and see His goodness!

3th February 2016

Wow, only looking back have i realised how long it has been since i last posted an entry.. almost a year =/

So i guess this could be the one platform that i really could bare it all (:

For some reason today was simply a really terrible day. Went to sleep last night with 1 group mate pulling out and only for another to pull out 1 hour before the start of lesson. The weight and knowledge of it all just came crashing down like a castle of sand. Unknowingly, the pressure to succeed just seem to explode so much more than ever and overwhelm me. It really feels like I'm drowning? i know in a year's time as i look back and read this again i most probably would have totally forgotten the feeling. But just for good measure, here i am documenting it!

The weight of it all (internships applications that are not responding, GPA, time for myself, school work piling up) is just so overwhelming. I feel like a circus clown juggling all these and wonder how others can do so well and make it look manageable. This season of my life seems to be a valley that has no light in sight. On and on i plough, only for my harvest to return empty to nought.

Although i must admit this indeed feels so much the work of the devil. The unrelenting torrent of unfortunate events and trip ups seem to have his name carved on them all. In this midst i find myself closer to God than ever? i think. I have never been one to like reading my bible, and really just found it a chore at times. Guilty i must plead as i never seem to have this trouble with books. I wonder why.. when its the Word of the Lord that breathes life into my life like no other books in the world can do.

I must really thank this X-treme workout bible reading plan! Thus far i'm happy to announce that i have been diligently reading and seeking the Word. Maybe one reason i don't read it that much is a crazy theory. My theory is that.. if i draw close to God, so the devil will knock on my doors and rain trouble in my life. So consciously i believed that by avoiding God and seeking Him only in real need and on Saturdays, i get to keep trouble at bay.

Though this season of my life seemingly reflects this trend, i choose to reject it. My soul seems to be torn in two. This time, like every other time, i find myself asking the same question : Daniel, do you not trust that the Lord, your Saviour knows best and will provide enough for you? Do you not trust in His timing?

Trust. The one biggest issue i had with God. Timing. Equally linked to the first. Maybe my university journey has never been as smooth as i would have liked it to be. But this time, i have come to a realisation. God can only work in true surrender.

I surrender to Your Will LORD. i acknowledge that i do not know the things and the reasons for why things are happening in my life as such now. I acknowledge that i may never know ever and i am okay with it. I trust You. I know that You will provide, You have my best interest at heart and You are calling me back to You. So God, here i am. Take me. I hand my soul and open my heart to You.