Spiritual journal entry 8

Colossians 3:14-15 NLT

[14] Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. [15] And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Above all, clothe yourself in love. Today's word is so much harder to keep and apply. How is it possible to love everyone? Like really not to show any form of discrimination or disdaint. It used to be such a conflicting thought within me. Does it mean that I should be nice to everyone or... 

However Holy Spirit had revealed in my heart that this wasn't what Apostle Paul was referring to, clothing myself in love simply meant to see people through God's untainted lens. To see that everyone is a precious child of God, to see the potential that is within them to do awesome works for Christ. 

And when it comes to peace, how I long and desire for the inner peace that transcend all understanding. God help me and show me that You are indeed with me. 

Spiritual Journal Entry 7

Today is a new day that the Lord has made, and i will rejoice in it.

Nowhere in the verse did it ever mention that the day will bound to be all sunshine and rainbows. So if the day started bad and progressively get worse, is it really ours to blame God for it? NO.

But God has promised that through it all, He will be with us. His presence will go before us and will walk beside us. I gathered that life is really a journey. Yes you may think how come it took me such a long time to arrive at this conclusion. But hey at least i did! Back to the journey. It is a series of winding turns and uphills and downhills. Sometimes the road heads upwards and next comes a seemingly endless long stretch of downhill road.

I am currently stuck somewhere in that downhill road. It never gets easier with each step i take. God said His words are a lamp unto my feet. Illuminating only a few steps ahead of me, but never the full stretch.

Thus, i arrived at my answer. Obedience

In the past, when i was a "infant" christian, obedience came second nature. It was so easy to obey God and trust in Him, when majority of my life is still cushioned in one way or another. However as i grew older and progressed, these cushions were increasingly stripped away.

There lies the gravel.

My feet bruised and bled. Even as i just dropped my module and appear crazy to majority of the people around me, i felt it was the right thing to do. Although i didn't really consult God and am now regretting not discussing it with Him first. Thus the bleeding.

But despite all these, God promise that He will be with me, and isn't that enough guarantee for my life? If the God of the universe and all creation is for me, who indeed can stand against me? I may never know His plans nor foresee any of it. My ways and my thoughts are most definitely not higher than His. But that's where the beauty lies. Obedience. The faith to obey when the odds are stacked against me. The faith to obey in His words, knowing He has a plan and His timing is perfect. Too long have i held dear the idea that my timing is perfect and if things don't go according to plan its anarchy, but in all of my mess now, God is working.

One day, i will see the fruits of His works.

Spiritual Journal Entry 6

2 Feb 2015. This day has started out pretty tiring for me. No particular reason, but i just felt empty in my spirit. I was immediately caught up in the squabbling of my birthday group mates that are both older than me, leaving me in a very tight situation as i needed to navigate this discussion the right direction to not let either of them feel hurt or unappreciated. As the words flew back and forth, the more helpless i felt and i really ask God for direction and his wisdom. Although it has finally been settled, i came out of that group conversation feeling more exhausted than ever. However, there was simply no time to stop and ponder. 

Finally now with this short duration of time in the library, i really felt in my spirit to pause and am so amazed how much i yearn to speak to God and just read his word. Even in solitary eating, i found myself conversing with God so much more, so eager to pour forth all my troubles unto Him, because i somehow already know in my spirit that God wants to and desires to share my day with me. As i spend my quiet time in the library and read 1 Corinthians 2, verse 9. It spoke of what no eye nor ear has seen or heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things that God has prepared for those who love him. verse 10 continued with saying that the Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.

I felt so relieved, as if a huge unease leaving me. Indeed i was partially affected by my grades today. Receiving a B was really just so hard to accept again God. I honestly did try and put in my best, but it seems that my best is always not close to what the world wants of me. God i did indeed feel very frustrated and angry. I asked myself time after time, why did You have to put me through this test?? Its not even fun anymore when i see my peers climbing the social ladder in school, assuming roles of importance. I know that chasing after these things are not my priorities, but even so, with the minimum that i am coping with, i seem to again fall short. God i really want to hear from You, i crave your peace that surpasses all understanding, especially in this tough time that i am again subjected to.