Psalm 13
So this is what it feels like. I feel like the greatest sinner, in my willful sin I hurt your daughter. But yet in my sorrow You forgave me. Don't turn Your face away from me O Lord, I can't bear this distance from Your presence. I will rejoice in You all my days. My soul shall bless Your name!
Consuming fire, fan into flames. A passion for Your name. Spirit of God, would you fall in my life, Lord have Your way with me.
It was a good day today (:
Finally had the chance to meet up and catch up with my group of friends that have been so wonderful to me. I was simply elated just to see how our ties of friendship finally withstood a year's test of hardship, with the group breaking up into factions and slanders flying about. Today we were united again and just that made me treasure all of them so much more. Today was also Ken Xie's birthday. It was indeed awkward but heartening to be invited to the bbq. Just happy the cupcakes came out well.
The best part of the day was just a simple stroll riddled with mosquitoes with my favourite girl. The talk was painful and tough. I wanted nothing more than her smile. I want to be the reason for her laughter and smiles each day. It may have seem like I got thrown back many steps, but I'll just slowly work my way forward again, not repeating the err and learning to love her the right way.
Lord you are my joy. Even when things in my life seem to go so out of control, still I know you have me in your hands. Teach me to let go, and to let You take control. I am utterly spent. Lord I don't want to come into your sanctuary with a fake smile and a heavy heart and smile and have cheerful conversations with people when my heart is buried in sorrow. You alone see the tears in the dark and only You can lift up my spirits. Lord why! Why me, why choose me to go through this, why can't I be happy like everyone else around me, why can't You just give me a break in my life for once. I really need a break. Lord why is it that I have to scale mountains in my life for everything little thing, before I get to be happy.
But Lord, I know You don't owe me an answer no matter how much I plead for one. I ask only now that You give me the strength to do this. I surrender it all to You. I can't do this myself. Give me peace.
